Three little boys were concerned because they couldn’t get anyone to play with them. They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn’t go to Sunday School.

So they went to the nearest Church, but only the Janitor was there.

One little Boy said, “We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with Us. Will You baptize Us?”

“Sure,” said the Janitor.

He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time. Then He said, “You are now baptized!”

“When they got outside, one of them asked, “What religion do You think We are?”

The oldest one said, “We’re not Kathlick, because they pour the water on You.”

“We’re not Babtiss, because they dunk all of You in the water.”

“We’re not Methdiss, because they just sprinkle water on You.”

The littlest one said, “Didn’t you smell that water!”

They all joined in asking, “Yeah! What do You think that means?”

“I think it means we’re Pisscopailians.”

A woman, calling a Hospital, said, “Hello, I want to know if a patient is getting better.”

The voice on the other end of the line said, “What is the patient’s name and room number?”

She said, “Sure, she’s Sarah Finkel, in Room 302.”

The receptionist said, “Oh, yes. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she’s had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, she’s going to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday.”

The woman said, “Thank God! That’s wonderful! Oh! That’s fantastic! That’s great news!”

The man on the phone said, “From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be a family member or a very close friend!”

She said, “I’m Sarah Finkel in 302! Dr. Cohen doesn’t tell me a word!”

One rainy afternoon, a young couple were on their way to their Church to get married. On the way there, their car lost control and slammed into a telephone pole – killing them both instantly.

The couple soon found themselves standing in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, welcoming them to Heaven. The young woman asks Peter if they could get married in Heaven, since their time on Earth was cut short. He replies that he’ll get back with them on that request.

A month later, St. Peter finds them and announces that they can, in fact, get arried in Heaven. To his suprise, the woman asks “Just wondering, if things don’t work out will we be able to get a divorce?”

With a stern look in his eye, Peter blurts out “Look lady, it took me a month to find a preacher up here… you really think I’m gonna find a lawyer?”

A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third, everything had just been reduced by 50 percent.

Then her mobile phone rang.

It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition and in the Intensive Care Unit. The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she’d be there as soon as possible.

As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the boutiques. She decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital. She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful chocolate cake slice, compliments of the last shop. She was jubilant.

Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital. She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband’s condition.

The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, “You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn’t you? I hope you’re proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit!”

“It’s just as well you went ahead and finished,” she continued. “Because it will more than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require ’round-the-clock care!”

The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed.

The lady doctor then chuckled and said, “I’m just pulling your leg. He’s dead. Show me what you bought.”

Several men are talking in the locker room of a private club after exercising.

A mobile phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up and the following conversation ensues:

“Hello?”

“Darling, It’s me.”

“Darling!”

“Are you at the club?”

“Yes.”

“Great! I’m at the shopping center two blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat… It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”

“What’s the price?”

“Only $3,500″

“Well, OK, go ahead and buy it, if you like it that much…”

“Ahhh, and I also dropped in at the Mercedes dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the dealer, and he gave me a really good price. Do you remember we said we were going to exchange the BMW we bought last year…?”

“What price did he quote you?”

“Only $50,000 after the trade…”

“OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

“Great! Before we hang up, there’s something else…”

“What’s that?”

“It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account, and I spoke to the estate agent this morning. I saw the house we had looked at last year, and it’s for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, a hectare of park around it and a beach front…”

“How much are they asking?”

“Only $1,450,000. It’s a magnificent price, and I see that we have enough in the bank to cover the down payment…”

“Well, then go ahead and buy it; but just bid $1,200,000. OK?”

“OK, sweetie… Thanks! I’ll see you later! I love you!!!”

“Bye… I do too…”

The man hangs up, holds up the phone, and calls out: “Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?”

An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy.

They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.

They searched for days and couldn’t find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they had any news.

Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: “Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000…please advise.”

The old man faxed back: “Send me the pearl, and re-bait the trap!”

Hey, “follow me” doesn’t really mean that you have to follow me everywhere.