Tough Economy
Posted by: JesterHere are some helpful suggestions for dealing with these tough economic times…
DON’T waste money on expensive iPods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to “switch tracks,” think of another song you like and hum that instead.
DON’T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen. Just place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank statements.
HOMEOWNERS: Prevent burglars stealing everything in the house by moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, just move it all back again.
SAVE money on expensive personalized car number plates by changing your name to match your existing plate. – Mr. KVL 741Y
DON’T waste money buying expensive binoculars; stand closer to the object you wish to view.
AN empty aluminum cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.
SAVE electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking around wearing a miner’s hat.
HOUSEWIVES, the best way to get two bottles of liquid soap for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping cart and the other in your coat pocket.
OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Just cross out the names and address of people you don’t know.
SAVE on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The following morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a cup of liquid laundry detergent and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.
SAVE a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to a local thrift store, they will wash and iron them and you can buy them back for fifty cents.
OLD people, if you feel cold indoors this winter, walk outside for ten minutes without a coat, when you go back inside you will really feel the benefit.
CAN’T afford contact lenses? Simply cut out small circles of plastic film and press them into your eyes.
WHY pay for expensive jigsaws? Just take a bag of frozen chips from the freezer and try piecing together potatoes.
MIX tea with coffee, and leave in the fridge to cool. Hey presto! Toffee.
MAKE your own inexpensive mints by leaving blobs of toothpaste to dry on a window sill. Use striped toothpaste to make humbugs.
SHOPPERS, when buying oranges, get more for your money by peeling them before taking them to the counter to be weighed.
WOMEN: Don’t waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn’t care less anyway and you could use the saved energy to vacuum the house afterward.
