Cracking the Human Resources code.

The real meaning of those phrases in a job listing:

• Competitive Salaray
  Most of our competitors don’t pay much either.
• Join Our Fast-Paced Company
  We have no time to train you.
• Casual Work Atmosphere
  You’ll be here very late, very often — might as well be comfortable.
• Must be Deadline-Oriented
  Your first four projects are already way overdue.
• Some Overtime Required
  Did we mention that you’ll be here very late, very often? And most weekends.
• Duties Will Vary
  Anyone in the office can boss you around.
• Must Have and Eye for Detail
  We have no quality control.
• Career-Minded
  Female applicants must be childless.
• Apply in Person
  If you’re old, fat or ugly, that position has already been filled.
• No Phone calls Please
  This job listing is just a legal formality. The position was filled by some executive’s nephew.
• Seeking Candidates With a Wide Variety of Experience
  Due to consolidation, you’ll be replacing three people.
• Problem-Solving Skills a Must
  This company is a total mess.
• Requires Team Leadership Skills
  You’ll have all the responsibilities of upper management, without the pay, title or respect.
• Good Communication Skills
  Listen to management, figure out what they want, don’t ask too many questions and get the sh*t done.

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Tags: joke, work

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