Taoism: Shit happens.
Confucianism: Confucius says: “Shit happens.”
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserved it.
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?
Taoism: Shit happens, so flow with it.
Perfectionist: If shit has to happen, let it happen properly.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens Rama Lama Ding Dong.
Quakerism: Shit won’t happen if I work harder.
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn’t really happening to anyone.
Protestantism: If shit happens, praise the Lord for it.
Politics: Why does shit always happen just before closing the deal?
Islam: Shit happening is Allah’s Will.
Existentialism: Shit happening is absurd!
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
New Age: A firm shit does not happen to me.
Atheist: I don’t believe this shit.
Voodoo: Shit doesn’t just happen — somebody dumped it on you.
Televangelism: Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit stop happening.
Jehovah’s Witness: There is only a limited amount of good shit.
Greek Philosophic: When shit happens, is it really shit?
Mormon: Hey, there’s more shit over here!
Elitism: If shit happens, it happens to someone else.
Baptist: You are shitting all wrong, and you’ll be punished for it.
Unitarianism: Go ahead, shit anywhere you want.
Iraqi Baathist: Oh, shit!
Heisenbergism: Shit happened, we just don’t know where.
Rastafarianism: Let’s smoke this shit.
Hippieism: If we had some shit, we’d smoke it.
Nixonism: Shit didn’t happen, and if it did I didn’t know anything about it.
McCarthyism: Are you now, or have you ever been, shit?
Communism: It’s everybody’s shit.
Capitalism: Shit happens, and it’ll cost you!

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