Why it’s better to be a Woman:

1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support guys who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend’s clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get out of speeding tickets.
6. We’ve never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies … (you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we’re gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if we’re gay.
14. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
15. It’s possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
16. We don’t have to fart to amuse ourselves.
17. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
18. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.
19. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
20. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
21. If we’re dumb, some people will find it cute.
22. We don’t have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
23. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
24. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
25. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we’re aware that we look like an idiot.
26. Our friends won’t think we’re weird if we ask whether there’s spinach in our teeth.
27. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
28. We’ll never regret piercing our ears.
29. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
30. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
31. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.

Following the problems in global economy, uncertainty has now hit Japan.

In the last seven hours Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.

Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.

Samurai Bank is soldiering on, following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.

Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.

A man came home empty handed on his anniversary. His wife was furious with him for once again forgetting their special day.

Frustrated and angry with himself, he tried to come up with a solution.

He set up an account with a local florist and gave them instructions to send flowers on his wife’s birthday, their anniversay, Mothers day and all the other important dates. Each of these deliveries was to have an appropriate note, signed “Your loving husband.”

He was pretty satisfied with himself for coming up with this solution. And his wife was thrilled by his new display of attention.

Everything was going well until one day, some bouquets later, when he came home, kissed his wife and said off-handedly, “Nice flowers, honey. Where’d you get them?”

2000 B.C. – Here, eat this root.

1000 A.D. – That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.

1850 A.D. – That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.

1940 A.D. – That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.

1985 A.D. – That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.

2000 A.D. – That antibiotic doesn’t work any more. Here, eat this root.

A son from a very wealthy family is studying abroad.

One day, he writes a letter to his father saying:

Dear Dad,

Berlin is wonderful. The people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad,

I am bit ashamed to arrive to my college in my Mercedes, when all my teachers travel by train.

Your Son

Some time later the son gets reply to his letter:

Loving son,

Twenty Million Dollars transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too.

Your Dad

A newly married sailor was informed by the Navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year.

A few weeks after he got there he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter.

“My love,” he wrote, “we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I’m starting to miss you and there’s really not much to do here in the evenings.”

“Besides that,” he continued. “we’re constantly surrounded by young attractive native girls. Do you think if I had a hobby of some kind I would not be tempted?”

So his wife sent him back a harmonica saying, “Why don’t you learn to play this?”

Eventually his tour of duty came to an end and he rushed back to his wife.

“Darling” he said, “I can’t wait to get you into bed so that we make passionate love!”

She kissed him passionately and said, “First, let’s see you play that harmonica.”

A very small female janitor (4′10″, 90 pounds) worked at an amusement park and was told to go out and sweep up the grounds.

As she was getting ready to head out to clean up, her supervisor noticed her putting rocks in her pockets.

When asked what she was doing, she pointed out that it was so windy out she was afraid of getting knocked over by the wind.

“And you think this is going to help?” asked her boss.

“Sure,” she said, “now I weigh me down to sweep.”