One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over ten years, saw a speck on the horizon.

He thought to himself, “It’s certainly not a ship.”

As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft.

Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure clad in a black wet suit.

Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask and zipping down the top of the wet suit stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde.

She walked up to the stunned Irishman and said to him,

“Tell me, how long has it been since you’ve had a good cigar?”

“Ten years,” replied the amazed Irishman.

With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wetsuit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars and a lighter.

He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag. “Faith and begorrah,” said the castaway, “that is so good! I’d almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!”

“And how long has it been since you’ve had a drop of good Powers Irish Whiskey?” asked the blonde.

Trembling, the castaway replied, “Ten years.”

Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket there and removed a flask and handed it to him.

He opened the flask and took a long drink. “‘Tis nectar of the gods!”, shouted the Irishman. “‘Tis truly fantastic!”

At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, “And how long has it been since you played around?”

With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, “Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don’t tell me that you’ve got golf clubs in there too!”

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little yellow bug and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blondes driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

“What does it look like?” she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, “It’s square and it has your picture on it.”

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it, and handed it to the policewoman. “Here it is,” she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, “Okay, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop.”

A Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blond cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun, and his boots. So he arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks “Why in the world are you dressed like this?”

The Cowboy says, “Well it’s like this Sheriff. I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.”

The Sheriff says, “That doesn’t sound bad, but it doesn’t explain why you’re here.”

The Cowboy continues, “Well, we go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt … so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants … so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts … so I did.”

“Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, ‘Now go to town cowboy…’ And here I am.”

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs.

One night, he’s doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he’s going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting:

”I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being?”

“It’s guys like you,” she continues ranting, “who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general…and all in the name of humor!”

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize.

But the blonde interrupts him, saying ”You stay out of this, mister! I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”

Two blonds were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks.

The first blond said, “These look like deer tracks.”

And the other one said, “No they look like moose tracks.”

They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.

A blonde, brunette and redhead are in a desert.

The brunette says, “I brought some water so we don’t get dehydrated.”

The redhead says, “I brought some suntan lotion so we don’t get sunburned.”

Then the blonde says I brought a car door.”

The other girls ask, “Why did you bring that?”

The blonde replies, “So I can roll down the window if it gets hot.”

A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she liked the game.

“I liked it, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents,” she said.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Well, everyone kept yelling, ‘Get the quarter back!’”