A blonde is walking along, lost, and encounters a deep and wide river.
She looks up and down the river for a way across but is unsuccessful in finding one.
Once again, she looks to the other side and she happens to see another blonde on the opposite river bank. She tried calling to her.
“How can I get to the other side of the river?” she shouts loudly.
The other blonde replied “What for? You are already on the other side of the river!”
A Blonde social worker from a big city recently transferred to the Mountains of North Carolina and Georgia.
She was on the first tour of her new territory when she came upon the smallest cabin she had ever seen.
Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door. “Anybody home?” she asked.
“Yep,” came a kid’s voice through the door.
“Is your father there?” asked the social worker.
“Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in,” said the kid.
“Well, is your mother there?” persisted the social worker.
“Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here,” said the kid.
“But,” protested the social worker, “are you never together as a family?”
“Sure, but not here,” said the kid through the door, “this is our outhouse!”
A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage.
A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.
We all looked at each other in confusion and then another customer asked, “What is a seven-hundred-ten?”
She replied, “You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine. I have lost it and need a new one.” She went on to say that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.
The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.
She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710.
He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked, “Is there a 710 on this car?”
She pointed and said, “Of course, it’s right there.”
710
A surgeon went to check on his blond patient after an operation.
She was awake, so he examined her. Satisfied with what he saw he stated, “You’ll be fine.”
She asked, “How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?”
The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.
“What’s the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won’t I? That’s what you said…”
He replied, “Yes, you’ll be fine. It’s just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out.”
A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time and she wanted to see the Capital building.
Unfortunately, she couldn’t find it, so she asked a police officer for directions. “Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capital building?”
The officer replied, “Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It’ll take you right there.” She thanked the officer and he drives off.
Hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.
The officer got out of his car and said, “Excuse me, but to get to the Capital building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus and that was three hours ago! Why are you still waiting?”
The blonde answered, “Don’t worry officer, it won’t be long now… The 51st bus just went by!”
A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin.
Out pops a coke.
The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.
She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks.
Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping and her and asking if someone else could have a go.
The blonde spins around and shouts in their face: “Now way! Can’t you see I’m winning.”
One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over ten years, saw a speck on the horizon.
He thought to himself, “It’s certainly not a ship.”
As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft.
Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure clad in a black wet suit.
Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask and zipping down the top of the wet suit stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde.
She walked up to the stunned Irishman and said to him,
“Tell me, how long has it been since you’ve had a good cigar?”
“Ten years,” replied the amazed Irishman.
With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wetsuit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars and a lighter.
He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag. “Faith and begorrah,” said the castaway, “that is so good! I’d almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!”
“And how long has it been since you’ve had a drop of good Powers Irish Whiskey?” asked the blonde.
Trembling, the castaway replied, “Ten years.”
Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket there and removed a flask and handed it to him.
He opened the flask and took a long drink. “‘Tis nectar of the gods!”, shouted the Irishman. “‘Tis truly fantastic!”
At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, “And how long has it been since you played around?”
With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, “Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don’t tell me that you’ve got golf clubs in there too!”
