A Cowboy from Texas walked into a bank in New York City and asked for a loan officer.

He told the loan officer that he was going out of town on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the cowboy handed over the keys to a new Ferrari.

The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The cowboy produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized about having to charge 12% interest.

Later, the bank’s president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the cowboy for using a $250,000 Red Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parked it.

Two weeks later, the redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07.

The loan officer said, “Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely. But we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire from the Texas Oil industry. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000 and pay interest on it?”

The Texan replied, “Now, where else in New York City could I park my Red Ferrari for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?”

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle with two large bags over his shoulders.

The guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?”

“Sand,” answered Juan.

The guard says, “We’ll just see about that… get off the bike.”

The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.

The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, “What have you got?”

“Sand,” says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand.

He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.

Finally, Juan doesn’t show up one day. The guard meets up with him in a Cantina on the Mexican side of the border.

“Hey, Buddy,” says the guard, “I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about. I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?”

Juan sips his beer and says, “Bicycles.”

A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large tech corporation.

The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes.

“Open one of these if you run up against a problem you don’t think you can solve,” he said.

Things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and the CEO was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit’s end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, “Blame your predecessor.”

The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press – and Wall Street – responded positively. Sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.

About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, “Reorganize.”

This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.

After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times.

Confident that the advice of his predecessor would get him through this trial as well, the CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said, “Prepare three envelopes.”

How to Stay Awake in Boring Meetings

Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here’s a way to change all of that.

1. Before (or during) the next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare yourself by drawing a square. I find that 5″ x 5″ is a good size. Divide the card into columns-five across and five down. That will give you 25 one-inch blocks.

2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block at random:

- Synergy
- Strategic fit
- Core competencies
- Best practice
- Bottom line
- Revisit
- Expeditious
- To tell you the truth (or The truth is)
- 24/7
- Out of the loop
- Benchmark
- Value-added
- Proactive
- Win-win
- Think outside the box
- Fast track
- Results-driven
- Knowledge base
- At the end of the day
- Touch base
- Mindset
- Client focus(ed)
- Paradigm
- Game plan
- Leverage

3. Now, check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases durring the meeting.

4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally stand up and shout “BULLSHIT!”

Two friends, who had lost contact for many years, were catching up with each other.

One asked, “So, you’ve got your own company, huh? Wow, I’m impressed.”

The other replied, “Just a small one, nothing that big.”

Disbelieving, the first queried, “Small? How many people work in your company?”

The other sadly answered, “About half of them.”

Management Lesson:

Never start a project unless all resources are available.

A store in a shopping-mall hired a new salesman. From the time he was hired, the store’s sales increased four fold.

The store manager was curious to meet this new salesman. The manager went to the mall to observe him. He saw the guy selling a fishing rod to a customer.

He kept some distance and started to observe the salesman selling the product to the customer. The salesman sold the fishing rod to the customer. Customer asked for the price and the salesman said it was $80.

After selling the rod, the salesman looked at the shoes of the customer and said, “Are you going fishing wearing these expensive shoes of yours? You should buy some sports shoes.” The customer agreed to buy the shoes as well.

Then the salesman said, “You have to sit by the lake under the sun so why don’t you get a cap, too.” So the customer bought a cap as well.

Now the salesman told the customer, “Why don’t you get yourself something to eat while you are out catching the fish.” So the customer got some drinks, crackers and other snacks.

Then the salesman suggested to buy a basket to put the prized fish he is going to catch. “This is a good basket for just $120.” The customer bought that as well.

By the time he was finished, the customer’s bill was over $2,000.

The Manager, on seeing all this was very impressed by this new salesman. After the customer left the store, he went to speak with him. “You are very intelligent salesman. You sold so many items to that customer who came here just to buy a fishing rod.”

To which the salesman replied, “Sir, that customer came to buy some tampons for his wife. I asked him ‘What will you do for four days sitting at home?’ Then I suggested to him that he go fishing.”