Management Lesson:

Never start a project unless all resources are available.

A store in a shopping-mall hired a new salesman. From the time he was hired, the store’s sales increased four fold.

The store manager was curious to meet this new salesman. The manager went to the mall to observe him. He saw the guy selling a fishing rod to a customer.

He kept some distance and started to observe the salesman selling the product to the customer. The salesman sold the fishing rod to the customer. Customer asked for the price and the salesman said it was $80.

After selling the rod, the salesman looked at the shoes of the customer and said, “Are you going fishing wearing these expensive shoes of yours? You should buy some sports shoes.” The customer agreed to buy the shoes as well.

Then the salesman said, “You have to sit by the lake under the sun so why don’t you get a cap, too.” So the customer bought a cap as well.

Now the salesman told the customer, “Why don’t you get yourself something to eat while you are out catching the fish.” So the customer got some drinks, crackers and other snacks.

Then the salesman suggested to buy a basket to put the prized fish he is going to catch. “This is a good basket for just $120.” The customer bought that as well.

By the time he was finished, the customer’s bill was over $2,000.

The Manager, on seeing all this was very impressed by this new salesman. After the customer left the store, he went to speak with him. “You are very intelligent salesman. You sold so many items to that customer who came here just to buy a fishing rod.”

To which the salesman replied, “Sir, that customer came to buy some tampons for his wife. I asked him ‘What will you do for four days sitting at home?’ Then I suggested to him that he go fishing.”

Microsoft Bids to Acquire Catholic Church

VATICAN CITY (AP) — In a joint press conference in St. Peter’s Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church inexchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion.

With the acquisition, Pope Benedict XVI will become the senior vice-president of the combined company’s new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Bradford Smith and CEO Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates.

“We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten years,” said Gates. “The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range of people.”

Through the MICROSOFT Network, the company’s on-line service, “we will make the sacraments available on-line for the first time” and revive the popular pre-Counter-Reformation practice of selling indulgences, said Gates. “You can get Communion, confess your sins, receive absolution — even reduce your time in Purgatory-all without leaving your home.”

A new software application, MICROSOFT Church, will include a macro language which you can program to download heavenly graces automatically while you are away from your computer.

An estimated 17,000 people attended the announcement in St. Peter’s Square, watching on a 60-foot screen as comedian Don Novello-in character as Father Guido Sarducci-hosted the event, which was podcast live to viewers around the world.

Pope Benedict XVI said little during the announcement. When Novello chided Gates, “Now I guess you get to wear one of these pointy hats,” the crowd roared, but the pontiff’s smile seemed strained.

The deal grants MICROSOFT exclusive electronic rights to the Bible and the Vatican’s prized art collection, which includes works by such masters as Michelangelo and Da Vinci. But critics say MICROSOFT will face stiff challenges if it attempts to limit competitors’ access to these key intellectual properties.

“The Jewish people invented the look and feel of the holy scriptures,” said Rabbi David Gottschalk of Philadelphia. “You take the parting of the Red Sea — we had that thousands of years before the Catholics came on the scene.”

But others argue that the Catholic and Jewish faiths both draw on a common Abrahamic heritage. “The Catholic Church has just been more successful in marketing it to a larger audience,” notes Notre Dame theologian Father Kenneth Madigan. Over the last 2,000 years, the Catholic Church’s market share has increased dramatically, while Judaism, which was the first to offer many of the concepts now touted by Christianity, lags behind.

Historically, the Church has a reputation as an aggressive competitor, leading crusades to pressure people to upgrade to Catholicism, and entering into exclusive licensing arrangements in various kingdoms whereby all subjects were instilled with Catholicism, whether or not they planned to use it. Today Christianity is available from several denominations, but the Catholic version is still the most widely used. The Church’s mission is to reach “the four corners of the earth,” echoing MICROSOFT’s vision of “a computer on every desktop and in every home”.

Gates described MICROSOFT’s long-term strategy to develop a scalable religious architecture that will support all religions through emulation. A single core religion will be offered with a choice of interfaces according to the religion desired — “One religion, a couple of different implementations,” said Gates.

The MICROSOFT move could spark a wave of mergers and acquisitions, according to Herb Peters, a spokesman for the U.S. Southern Baptist Conference, as other churches scramble to strengthen their position in the increasingly competitive religious market.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.”
That’s Direct Marketing.

You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, “He’s fantastic in bed.”
That’s Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed.”
That’s Telemarketing.

You’re at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed.”
That’s Public Relations.

You’re at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, “I hear you’re fantastic in bed.”
That’s Brand Recognition