Proposed Industry Standard wording for a Content Warning Label for books and other publications:

Warning: This product contains words. Said words are constructed into sentences, and threaded into paragraphs. When combined into sentences and paragraphs, words can convey ideas.

Symptoms of idea exposure include bouts of imagination, increased curiosity, questioning positions and authority, independent thinking, and time spent talking with a peer group.

Secondary symptoms, from ideas conveyed in the book may include strategic thinking, optimization planning or numerical analysis.

Publisher Name makes no warranty, expressed or implied, that said ideas are suitable to all readers. In order to help parents determine the suitability of this material for their children, we have provided a handy list of the ideas presented in this product on the back cover. We also recommend that parents spend time with their children discussing the ideas in this product.

Bulk purchase and shipping terms are available for book burnings; we reserve the right to send a video crew to these events and post the footage on the Internet.

A little boy goes to his father and asks “Daddy, how was I born?”

The father answers: “Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway.

Your mom and I got together in a chat room of an online dating service.

We set up a date via e-mail and we met at cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, I upgraded my floppy disk to a stiffy and then your mom agreed to do a download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later, a blessed little pop-up appeared and said:

“You’ve got Male!”

Two children told their mother to stay in bed one Mother’s Day morning because they were going to make breakfast.

As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.

But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.

“It’s our surprise for you for Mother’s Day!” one explained, “We decided to cook our own breakfast.”

A young boy is walking down the street with his father.

As they walked past a music store, the boy stops and stares in the window staring at an electric guitar.

After a while his father asks him, “What are you looking at?”

In a faraway voice he says, “Dad, I want to be a guitar player when I grow up.”

His father replies. “Now son, you can’t have both.”

A young boy was looking through the family album.

He came across an old picture of his mother and a man.

Curious, he asked her “Who’s this guy on the beach with you with all the muscles and curly hair?”

His mother replied, “That’s your father.”

The boy thought for a moment and asked “Then who’s that old bald-headed fat man who lives with us now?”

A group of children were trying very hard to become accustomed to Nursery School. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!

You need to use ‘Big People Words,’ she was always reminding them.

She asked John what he had done over the weekend?

“I went to visit my Nana.” John replied.

“No, you went to visit your Grandmother. Use Big People words.”

She then asked Mitchell what he had done

“I took a ride on a choo-choo.” Mitchell said.

She said. “No, you took a ride on a train. You must remember to use Big People words.”

She then asked little Alex what he had done?

“I read a book” he replied.

“That’s wonderful,” the teacher said. “What book did you read?”

Alex thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said,

“Winnie the SHIT”

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had be knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded up against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on counter, the fridge door was wide open, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, “What happened here today??”

She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?”

“Yes…” he replied cautiously.

She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it.”