A man goes to consult a specialist about his medical problem.

After the visit the man asks his doctor, “How much do I owe you?”

“My fee is five hundred dollars,” replies the physician.

“Five hundred dollars? That’s impossible. No one charges that much!”

“In your case,” the doctor replies, “I suppose I could adjust my fee to three hundred.”

“Three hundred dollars? For one visit? Ridiculous!”

“Well, then, could you afford two hundred?”

“Who has that kind of money?”

“Look, replies the doctor,” growing irritated, “Just give me a hundred and get out of my office, okay?”

“I can give you fifty,” says the man. “Take it or leave it.”

“I don’t understand you,” says the doctor. “Why did you come to the most expensive doctor in the city if you have no money?”

“Listen, Doctor,” says the patient, “When it comes to my health, nothing is too expensive!”

“Doc, I think my son has gonorrhea,” a patient told his urologist on the phone. “The only woman he’s screwed is our maid.”

“Ok, don’t be hard on him. He’s just a kid,” the medic soothed. “Get him in here right away and I’ll take care of him.”

“But, Doc. I’ve been screwing the maid too and I’ve got the same symptoms he has.”

“Then you come in with him and I’ll fix you both up.” replied the doctor.

“Well,” the man admitted, ” I think my wife now has it too.”

“Son of a bitch!” the physician roared. “That means we’ve all got it!”

A guy says to his doctor, “Doc, I’m having trouble getting it up.”

The doctor examines him and says, “You’ll need to have some work done to bring back your sex drive. I can do it in a series of operations that will take thirty days and cost twelve thousand dollars, or I can do it in one operation right away that would cost thirty thousand dollars. Why don’t you go home and discuss it with your wife?”

The next day the guy comes back into the doctor’s office. The doctor says, “What did you decide?”

He says, “We’re going to re-do the kitchen.”

A doctor is going about his business, with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear.

He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the days activities.

All through the meeting, one of the other doctors keeps staring at the thermometer behind his ear.

Finally, the doctor asks, “What do you keep looking at?”

So the other doctor asks him why he has a thermometer behind his ear.

In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer, looks at it and exclaims, “Damn, some asshole has my pen!”

A man walks into his doctor’s office and puts a note on the table for the doctor to read. It reads, “I can’t talk! Help me!”

The doctor picks up a book and starts to look something up. As he does so, he instructs the man to put his thumb on the table.

The man thinks to himself that his thumb has nothing to do with his inability to talk. But he figures that the doctor is the expert so he does as instructed.

Suddenly, the doctor takes the book and whacks the man’s thumb with it as hard as he could.

“Aaahhh!!” the man yelled in pain.

“Good, good,” the doctor said. “Come back tomorrow and we’ll work on the ‘B’.”

A man and a woman meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl’s place for a little late night fun.

When they get to her home, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands.

The girl, watching this, says “You must be a dentist.”

The guy is surprised and says, “Yes … How did you figure that out?”

“Easy..” she replies, “you keep washing your hands.”

One thing leads to another and they make love.

After it’s over the girl says, “You must be a good dentist.”

The guy, now with an inflated ego says, “Sure I’m a good dentist. How did you figure that out?”

The girl replies, “I didn’t feel a thing.”

A surgeon went to check on his blond patient after an operation.

She was awake, so he examined her. Satisfied with what he saw he stated, “You’ll be fine.”

She asked, “How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?”

The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.

“What’s the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won’t I? That’s what you said…”

He replied, “Yes, you’ll be fine. It’s just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out.”