An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.

He calmly came over to me and I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, sat and patiently waited. So I let him out.

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard. Once again, he walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and slept for about an hour.

This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious, I pinned a note to his collar. It read: “I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.”

The next day he arrived for his nap. He had a different note pinned to his collar.

“He lives in a home with six children, two of them under the age of 3. He’s trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?”

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. Of course, he took his faithful pet dog along for company.

One day, the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long ends up getting lost. So, wandering about, the dog notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The dog thinks, “Boyo, I’m in deep doodoo now.”….

Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, “Man, That was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?”

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees.

“Whew!” says the leopard. “That was close. That dog nearly had me.”

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put his knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes after the leopard. But the dog saw him heading after the cat with great speed, and figured that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans on the dog and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The cat is furious at being made the fool and says, “Here monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine.”

Now the dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, “What am I going to do now?” But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers pretending he hasn’t seen them yet. And just when they get close enough to hear, the dog says, “Where’s that monkey? I just can never trust him. I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard, and he’s still not back!!”

1. Dogs don’t cry.
2. Dogs love it when your friends come over.
3. Dogs think you sing great.
4. A dog’s time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
5. The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.
6. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
7. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.
8. Dogs don’t mind if you give their offspring away.
9. Anyone can get a good-looking dog.
10. Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
11. Dogs know that you have to raise your voice to make your point.
12. Dogs would rather have a hamburger dinner than lobster.
13. You never have to wait for a dog, they’re ready to go 24 hours a day.
14. Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.
15. Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.
16. Dogs get excited if you bring another dog home.
17. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk.

A butcher was working in his very busy shop. He notices a dog in the shop. He shoos him away, but later, he notices the dog is back again. So he goes over to the dog, and notices he has a note in his mouth. He takes the note, and it reads, “Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please. The dog has money in his mouth, as well.” The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, there is a ten dollar bill there.

So he takes the money, and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog’s mouth. The butcher is well impressed, and since it’s close to closing time, he decides to shut up shop and follow the dog. So off he goes. The dog is walking down the street, when he comes to a level crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way.

The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and then sits on one of the seats provided. Along comes a bus. The dog walks around to the front, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it’s the right bus, and climbs on. The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus. The bus travels through the town and out into the suburbs, the dog looking at the scenery. Eventually he gets up, and moves to the front of the bus. He stands on two back paws and pushes the button to stop the bus.

Then he gets off, his groceries still in his mouth. Well, dog and butcher are walking along the road, and then the dog turns into a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He goes back down the path, runs up to the door and -Whap!- throws himself against it again. There’s no answer at the house, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden.

He gets to the window, and beats his head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts laying into the dog. Kicking him,
punching him, and swearing at him.

The butcher runs up, and stops the guy. “What the hell are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV or something!”, to which the guy responds “Clever, my eye. This is the second time this week that he’s forgotten his key.”