Anyone who’s ever ridden in a cab in Rome, Italy, knows they’re some of the world’s most brazen drivers.

Oddly enough though, their current accident rate isn’t all that bad.

One day, while in Rome, I asked one of the drivers the reason for this.

“Easy,” he said. “All the bad drivers are dead.”

Three friends died together in a car accident.

Upon their arrival in heaven, they are all asked, “When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?”

The first guy says, “I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man.”

The second guy says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.”

The last guy replies, “I would like to hear them say “Look! He’s moving!“

George was late for an important meeting.

He was driving around in a sweat because he couldn’t find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, “Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up my drinking!”

Immediately, a parking place appeared.

George looked up again and said, “Never mind, I found one.”

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard.

As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stop light was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself “I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light.”

After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though.

This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it.

She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through.

She turned to the other woman and said “Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!”

Mildred turned to her and said “Oh no! Am I driving?”

It was a bitterly cold winter’s day in Alaska when a highway patrol officer on patrol came across a motorcyclist stalled by the roadside. The cyclist was swathed in protective clothing and helmet.

“What’s the matter?” asked the policeman.

“Carburetor’s frozen,” was the terse reply.

“Pee on it. That’ll thaw it out.”

“Can’t.” said the cyclist.

“OK, Watch me and I will show you.”

The officer did as promised. The bike started and the rider drove off, waving.

A few days later, the highway patrol office received a note of thanks from the father of the motorbike rider.

It began: “On behalf of my daughter, who recently was stranded ….”

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident. It was a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, “So you’re a man, that’s interesting. I’m a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.”

Flattered, the man replied, “Oh yes, I agree with you completely!”

“This must be a sign from God!” The woman continued, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.”

Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”

The woman replies, “No. I think I’ll just wait for the police…”

A California policeman pulled a car over and told the driver that because he had been wearing his seatbelt, he had just won $5,000 dollars in the statewide safety competition.

“What are you going to do with the money?” asked the policeman.

“Well, I guess I’m going to get a driver’s license,” he answered.

“Oh, don’t listen to him,” yelled a woman in the passenger seat. “He’s a smart aleck when he’s drunk.

“This woke up the guy in the back-seat, who took one look at the cop and moaned, “I knew we wouldn’t get far in a stolen car.”

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, in Spanish, “Are we over the border yet?”