A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage.

A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.

We all looked at each other in confusion and then another customer asked, “What is a seven-hundred-ten?”

She replied, “You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine. I have lost it and need a new one.” She went on to say that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.

The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.

She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710.

He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked, “Is there a 710 on this car?”

She pointed and said, “Of course, it’s right there.”

710

A man walks into his doctor’s office and puts a note on the table for the doctor to read. It reads, “I can’t talk! Help me!”

The doctor picks up a book and starts to look something up. As he does so, he instructs the man to put his thumb on the table.

The man thinks to himself that his thumb has nothing to do with his inability to talk. But he figures that the doctor is the expert so he does as instructed.

Suddenly, the doctor takes the book and whacks the man’s thumb with it as hard as he could.

“Aaahhh!!” the man yelled in pain.

“Good, good,” the doctor said. “Come back tomorrow and we’ll work on the ‘B’.”

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time and she wanted to see the Capital building.

Unfortunately, she couldn’t find it, so she asked a police officer for directions. “Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capital building?”

The officer replied, “Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It’ll take you right there.” She thanked the officer and he drives off.

Hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.

The officer got out of his car and said, “Excuse me, but to get to the Capital building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus and that was three hours ago! Why are you still waiting?”

The blonde answered, “Don’t worry officer, it won’t be long now… The 51st bus just went by!”

A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin.

Out pops a coke.

The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.

She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks.

Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping and her and asking if someone else could have a go.

The blonde spins around and shouts in their face: “Now way! Can’t you see I’m winning.”

A Zen Master goes up to a hot dog cart and says, “Make me one with everything.”

The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill.

The vendor puts the bill into his cash box and closes it.

“Where’s my change?” asks the Zen Master.

And the vendor responds, “Change must come from within.”

A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins.

He pulls the guy over and says “You can’t drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately.”

The guy says “OK,” and drives away.

The next day, the officer sees the same guy and he’s still driving around with the truck full of penguins. But now, all the penguins are wearing sun glasses.

He pulls the guy over and demands “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday.”

The guy replies, “I did. We had so much fun, today I’m taking them to the beach!”

Any time you feel dumb, don’t worry.

Check out the following excerpts from a “Wall Street Journal” article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the many calls asking where the “Any” key is.
2. A technical support rep had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was then heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.
4. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn’t get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the “send” key.