Joe decides to take his boss Tom to play 9 holes on their lunch.

While both men are playing well, they are often held up by two women in front of them moving at a very slow pace.

Joe offers to talk to the women and see if they can speed it up a bit. He gets about half of the way there stops and jogs back.

His boss asks what the problem is. “Well…” Tom explains. “One of those women is my wife and the other my mistress,” complained Joe.

Tom just shook his head at Joe and started toward the women determined to finish his round of golf. As he was nearing the women, he too stopped short and turned around and returned to Joe with an angry expression on his face.

Joe asked “What’s wrong?”

“It’s a small, small world, Joe.” said Tom “And you’re fired!”

Teeing off on the 12th hole at a golf resort, we stopped to buy cold drinks from the young woman driving the beverage cart.

As my buddy reached for his wallet, he said to her, “You’re in great shape. You must work out a lot.”

Flattered, she gave him a big smile. “Thank you.”

The next day a different young woman was driving the cart.

“Watch this,” I whispered. I walked up to her and said, “Wow, you must work out a lot.”

“Yeah,” she replied dryly. “You should try it.”

An American was golfing at the Old Course in St. Andrews, Scotland.

He slices his opening drive out of bounds onto the beach.

Frustrated and cursing, he tees up another shot and smacks it right down the middle of the green.

The golfer turns to his old Scottish caddy and tells him that in America that is called a “Mulligan” and asks him if there is a name for it in Scotland.

“Aye,” The caddy replies, “we call it a ‘three’.”

A lawyer is at his tee getting ready to take his shot.

While preparing, a golfer in the adjacent fairway hits him square in the face with his golf ball.

“I don’t believe it!” he exclaimed. “Your ball hit me in the eye! I’m going to sue you for five million dollars!”

The other golfer replied, “I said ‘fore!”

The first golfer then said, “I’ll take it!”

A murder had been committed.

Police are called to an apartment and find a man standing, holding a 5-iron in his hands, looking at the lifeless body of a woman on the ground.

The detective asks, “Sir, is that your wife?”

“Yes.”

“Did you hit her with that golf club?”

“Yes. Yes, I did,” the man answers slowly. He stifles a sob, drops the club and puts his hands on his head.

“How many times did you hit her?”

“I don’t know. Four… five… six — put me down for a four.”

It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course and a man was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker:

“Would the gentleman on the woman’s tee please back up to the men’s tee!!”

Our man was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement:

“Would the man on the women’s tee kindly back up to the men’s tee.”

Our golfer simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more the man on the loudspeaker announced:

“Would the man on the woman’s tee back up to the men’s tee, please!”

Finally our focused golfer stopped.

He turned, looked through the clubhouse window directly at the person with the mike and shouted back, “Would the person in the clubhouse kindly shut the hell up and let me play my second stroke?”

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.”

The woman freed the frog and the frog said, “Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes — that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!”

The woman said, “That would be okay,” and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, “You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to.”

The woman replied, “That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me.”

So, wham! – she’s the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, “That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you.” The woman said, “That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine.”

So, wham! – she’s the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish.

The woman said, “I’d like a mild heart attack.”