One afternoon, a woman and her little daughter went into a large toy store.

The mother asked her daughter what toys she wanted.

The little girl said, “I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe.”

The mother smiled and said, “Darling, you know Barbie doesn’t come with GI Joe.”

The little girl looked up at her mom and replied, “Mom, Barbie always comes with G.I. Joe. She just fakes it with Ken.”

Remember High School? What a difference thirty years can make. Here’s a list of how things have changed since your High School Days:

1980: Long Hair
2010: Longing for hair

1980: The perfect high
2010: The perfect high yield mutual fund

1980: KEG
2010: EKG

1980: Acid Rock
2010: Acid Reflux

1980: Moving to California because it’s cool
2010: Moving to California because it’s warm

1980: Growing pot
2010: Growing pot belly

1980: Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with your parents
2010: Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with your children

1980: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor
2010: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor

1980: Seeds and stems
2010: Roughage

1980: Our president’s struggle with Fidel
2010: Our president’s struggle with fidelity

1980: Paar
2010: AARP

1980: Killer weed
2010: Weed killer

1980: Hoping for a BMW
2010: Hoping for a BM

1980: The Grateful Dead
2010: Dr. Kevorkian

1980: Getting out to a new, hip joint
2010: Getting a new hip joint

1980: Rolling Stones
2010: Kidney stones

1980: Being called into the principal’s office
2010: Calling the principal’s office

1980: Peace sign
2010: Mercedes logo

1980: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2010: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

1980: Take acid
2010: Take antacid

1980: Passing the driver’s test
2010: Passing the vision test

1980: “Whatever”
2010: “Depends”

You know it’s going to be a bad day when:

• You wake up face down on the pavement.
• You call the Suicide Prevention Hot-line and they put you on hold.
• You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
• Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
• Your son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business.
• You want to put on the clothes you wore home from last night’s party – and there aren’t any.
• You turn on the news and they’re showing emergency routes out of the city.
• Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
• You wake up to discover that your water bed broke and then realize that you don’t have a water bed.
• Your horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell’s Angels on the freeway.
• You see the “60 Minutes” News Team waiting in your Office.
• Your boss tells you not to bother to take off you coat.
• You walk to work and discover that your dress is tucked in the back of your pantyhose.
• Your kid says “Did you know that it’s almost impossible to flush a grapefruit down the toilet?”
• You’re driving to work smoking a cigarette. At a stop light, you drop it between your legs. As you frantically search for it, a full city bus pulls up alongside of your car.
• You wake up too late to catch the van pool – then you realize that you’re driving the van this week.

Most Americans think it is improper to spank children.

The other day I was talking to one of my younger friends about methods used to discipline children. We talked about time outs, grounding, holding back rewards until the child displayed desired behavior, etc.

One of the things we discussed was the act of spanking and my friend explained that no, she does not spank any of her children.

She explained that what she does is to take the misbehaving child out for a ride in the car and talk. She said that usually this works and that the child calms down fairly quickly and that it really doesn’t take too much time.

By removing the child, in this case her son, from the immediate situation and providing a change of scenery, the child is allowed to focus on something different. Once the child has the opportunity to change perspective, things get better quickly and the child has a better understanding of his place within the family and begins to understand the family’s concept of acceptable behavior.

She kindly shared a picture of the process, which I present to you now.

Discipline

Smoking

When cancer can sometimes be the cure, and not the problem.

The following is a recount of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy scout Troop visiting his military installation.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: “So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?”

GENERAL REINWALD: “We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.”

INTERVIEWER: “Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?”

REINWALD: “I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range.”

INTERVIEWER: “Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?”

REINWALD: “I don’t see how, we will be teaching them proper rifle range discipline before they ever touch a firearm.”

INTERVIEWER: “But you’re equipping them to become violent killers.”

REINWALD: “Well, you’re equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, are you?”

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

A young man with a wild and multi-colored hairstyle sits next to an old man on a park bench who is reading a newspaper..

The old man looks at the young man and has an obviously surprised expression on his face.

“What are you looking at, old man?” the kid says?

The old man chuckles to himself, shakes his head and goes back to his newspaper.

The kid doesn’t like his response and continues, “Come on old man, what’s your problem? You never done anything crazy in your life?”

The old man replies, “Yeah. When I was in the Navy, I got really drunk one night and had sex with a parrot. I thought you might be my son.”