You know it’s going to be a bad day when:

• You wake up face down on the pavement.
• You call the Suicide Prevention Hot-line and they put you on hold.
• You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
• Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
• Your son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business.
• You want to put on the clothes you wore home from last night’s party – and there aren’t any.
• You turn on the news and they’re showing emergency routes out of the city.
• Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
• You wake up to discover that your water bed broke and then realize that you don’t have a water bed.
• Your horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell’s Angels on the freeway.
• You see the “60 Minutes” News Team waiting in your Office.
• Your boss tells you not to bother to take off you coat.
• You walk to work and discover that your dress is tucked in the back of your pantyhose.
• Your kid says “Did you know that it’s almost impossible to flush a grapefruit down the toilet?”
• You’re driving to work smoking a cigarette. At a stop light, you drop it between your legs. As you frantically search for it, a full city bus pulls up alongside of your car.
• You wake up too late to catch the van pool – then you realize that you’re driving the van this week.

Most Americans think it is improper to spank children.

The other day I was talking to one of my younger friends about methods used to discipline children. We talked about time outs, grounding, holding back rewards until the child displayed desired behavior, etc.

One of the things we discussed was the act of spanking and my friend explained that no, she does not spank any of her children.

She explained that what she does is to take the misbehaving child out for a ride in the car and talk. She said that usually this works and that the child calms down fairly quickly and that it really doesn’t take too much time.

By removing the child, in this case her son, from the immediate situation and providing a change of scenery, the child is allowed to focus on something different. Once the child has the opportunity to change perspective, things get better quickly and the child has a better understanding of his place within the family and begins to understand the family’s concept of acceptable behavior.

She kindly shared a picture of the process, which I present to you now.

Discipline

Smoking

When cancer can sometimes be the cure, and not the problem.

The following is a recount of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy scout Troop visiting his military installation.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: “So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?”

GENERAL REINWALD: “We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.”

INTERVIEWER: “Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?”

REINWALD: “I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range.”

INTERVIEWER: “Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?”

REINWALD: “I don’t see how, we will be teaching them proper rifle range discipline before they ever touch a firearm.”

INTERVIEWER: “But you’re equipping them to become violent killers.”

REINWALD: “Well, you’re equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, are you?”

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

A young man with a wild and multi-colored hairstyle sits next to an old man on a park bench who is reading a newspaper..

The old man looks at the young man and has an obviously surprised expression on his face.

“What are you looking at, old man?” the kid says?

The old man chuckles to himself, shakes his head and goes back to his newspaper.

The kid doesn’t like his response and continues, “Come on old man, what’s your problem? You never done anything crazy in your life?”

The old man replies, “Yeah. When I was in the Navy, I got really drunk one night and had sex with a parrot. I thought you might be my son.”

It’s a beautiful spring day in downtown Raleigh, N.C.

In the park near the capitol. Folks are picnicking and children are playing.

Suddenly, a pit bull attacks a 3-year-old child, and everyone is paralyzed in shock.

The child is screaming, the dog is snarling and biting. A man steps forward, separates the child and the animal, and snaps the dog’s neck.

Everyone exhales in relief, and a young woman runs over to the man.

“Mister,” she says, “That was incredible. I’m a reporter for the Raleigh News and Observer, and this is going to be on the front page of tomorrow’s edition. I can see the headline now—Raleigh Man Saves Tot!”

And he says, “Well, actually, I’m not originally from Raleigh.”

And she says, “I can see the headline now—North Carolina Man Stops Attack!”

And he says, “Well, to tell the truth, I’m not originally from North Carolina.”

She asks, “Where are you from?”

“New York,” he replies.

And she says, “I can see the headline now—Yankee Bastard Slays Family Pet!”

A high-school student came home from school seeming rather depressed.

“What’s the matter, son?” asked his mother.

The boy replies, “It’s my grades… They’re all wet.”

“What do you mean ‘all wet?’” his mother asks.

“I mean,” he explains, “below C-level.”