A woman asks her husband, “Would you like some bacon and eggs? A slice of toast and maybe some grapefruit and coffee for breakfast?”

He declines. “Thanks for offering, but I’m not hungry right now. It’s this Viagra,” he says. “It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”

At lunchtime she asked if he would like something. “A bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?”

He declines. “The Viagra,” he says, “really trashes my desire for food.”

Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat.

“Would you like a juicy rib-eye steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?”

He declines again. “No,” he says, “it’s got to be the Viagra… I’m still not hungry.”

“Well,” she says, “Would you mind letting me up? I’m starving!”

It was with much dismay that Rachael discovered her husband Harold had a mistress.

Rachael, however, was not the sort to kill the golden goose, rather she decided to find out what the mistress had that she didn’t.

After a long interrogation Harold finally relented.

“Well, to tell you the truth, Rachael, you are too cold. When we make love you don’t do anything. You just lay there, whereas she moans and groans with feeling.”

“Is that all?” thought Rachael. “Is that all there is to it?”

That night she dressed in her most alluring lingerie, slipped Harold a shot of his favorite cognac and got him into bed.

Half way through the business she decided to give him her most passionate moans and groans.

“Oh Harold, darling,” she began, “I’ve had the most terrible day. Our shares dropped two points, the maid quit and you don’t give me enough housekeeping money…”

“And will there be anything else, sir?” the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two.

“No, thank you.” the gentleman replied. “That will be all.”

As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed.

“Anything for your wife?” he asked.

“Yeah! That’s a good idea.” the fellow said. “Please send up a postcard.”

A middle-aged couple, Joanne and Bob, moved to Texas. Bob had always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife “Notice anything different about me?”

Joanne looked him over. “Nope” was all she said, and went back to what she was doing.

Frustrated, Bob stormed off to the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for his new boots.

Again he asked Joanne, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different now?”

Joanne looked up and exclaimed, “Bob, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow!”

Furious, Bob said, “And do you know why it’s hanging down, Joanne?”

“Nope”, she replied.

“It’s hanging down, because it’s looking at my new Cowboy Boots!”

Without changing her expression, Joanne replied, “You shoulda bought a hat, Bob. You shoulda bought a hat…”

Two friends were hanging out in a Western bar.

One decided to try the Bucking Bronco machine. He managed to hang on for ten minutes.

His buddy was impressed. “Wow!” he exclaimed, “That was sure something!”

“It was easy,” his friend said modestly. “I get lots of practice… My wife’s an epileptic.”

Why it’s better to be a Woman:

1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support guys who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend’s clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get out of speeding tickets.
6. We’ve never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies … (you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we’re gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if we’re gay.
14. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
15. It’s possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
16. We don’t have to fart to amuse ourselves.
17. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
18. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.
19. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
20. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
21. If we’re dumb, some people will find it cute.
22. We don’t have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
23. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
24. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
25. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we’re aware that we look like an idiot.
26. Our friends won’t think we’re weird if we ask whether there’s spinach in our teeth.
27. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
28. We’ll never regret piercing our ears.
29. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
30. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
31. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.

A man came home empty handed on his anniversary. His wife was furious with him for once again forgetting their special day.

Frustrated and angry with himself, he tried to come up with a solution.

He set up an account with a local florist and gave them instructions to send flowers on his wife’s birthday, their anniversay, Mothers day and all the other important dates. Each of these deliveries was to have an appropriate note, signed “Your loving husband.”

He was pretty satisfied with himself for coming up with this solution. And his wife was thrilled by his new display of attention.

Everything was going well until one day, some bouquets later, when he came home, kissed his wife and said off-handedly, “Nice flowers, honey. Where’d you get them?”