A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little yellow bug and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blondes driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

“What does it look like?” she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, “It’s square and it has your picture on it.”

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it, and handed it to the policewoman. “Here it is,” she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, “Okay, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop.”

It was a bitterly cold winter’s day in Alaska when a highway patrol officer on patrol came across a motorcyclist stalled by the roadside. The cyclist was swathed in protective clothing and helmet.

“What’s the matter?” asked the policeman.

“Carburetor’s frozen,” was the terse reply.

“Pee on it. That’ll thaw it out.”

“Can’t.” said the cyclist.

“OK, Watch me and I will show you.”

The officer did as promised. The bike started and the rider drove off, waving.

A few days later, the highway patrol office received a note of thanks from the father of the motorbike rider.

It began: “On behalf of my daughter, who recently was stranded ….”

A Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blond cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun, and his boots. So he arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks “Why in the world are you dressed like this?”

The Cowboy says, “Well it’s like this Sheriff. I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.”

The Sheriff says, “That doesn’t sound bad, but it doesn’t explain why you’re here.”

The Cowboy continues, “Well, we go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt … so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants … so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts … so I did.”

“Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, ‘Now go to town cowboy…’ And here I am.”

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident. It was a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, “So you’re a man, that’s interesting. I’m a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.”

Flattered, the man replied, “Oh yes, I agree with you completely!”

“This must be a sign from God!” The woman continued, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.”

Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”

The woman replies, “No. I think I’ll just wait for the police…”

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags ripped, and every once in a while, a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, “Ma’am, There are $20 bills falling out of your bag.”

“Oh, really? Darn it!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me.”

“Well, now, not so fast,” said the cop. “Where did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?”

“Oh, no, no! I didn’t steal it.” said the old lady. “You see, my back yard is right next to the baseball stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through a knot hole in the fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know.”

She continued, “Then I thought, ‘Why not make the best of it?’ So, now, on game days, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my garden pruners. Every time some guy sticks his pecker through my fence, I surprise him, and say, ‘O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.’”

“Well, that seems only fair…” said the cop, laughing. “OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what’s in the other bag?”

“Well, you know,” said the little old lady, “Not everybody pays.”

A local law enforcement officer stops a car traveling faster than the posted speed limit.

Since he’s in a good mood that day he decides to give the poor fellow a break and just give him a warning instead of a ticket. He asks the man his name.

“Fred,” he replies.

“Fred what?” the officer asks.

“Just Fred,” the man responds. When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have a last name but he had lost it.

The officer thinks he has a nut case on his hands and plays along with him. “Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?”

The man replies, “It’s a long story so please stay with me.”

I was born Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor.

I went to college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so I was finally Fred Dingaling, MD.

After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling, MD., DDS.

Got bored doing dentistry and started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took my DDS. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my Dingaling so now I’m just Fred.”

The officer walked away laughing, in tears. He did not give poor Fred a speeding ticket.

The Baltimore Police Department, famous for it’s superior K-9 unit, was somewhat taken aback by a recent incident.

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, clapped a hand to her head and moaned, “I come home from work to find all my possessions stolen, I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send a BLIND policeman.”