Remember High School? What a difference thirty years can make. Here’s a list of how things have changed since your High School Days:

1980: Long Hair
2010: Longing for hair

1980: The perfect high
2010: The perfect high yield mutual fund

1980: KEG
2010: EKG

1980: Acid Rock
2010: Acid Reflux

1980: Moving to California because it’s cool
2010: Moving to California because it’s warm

1980: Growing pot
2010: Growing pot belly

1980: Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with your parents
2010: Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with your children

1980: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor
2010: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor

1980: Seeds and stems
2010: Roughage

1980: Our president’s struggle with Fidel
2010: Our president’s struggle with fidelity

1980: Paar
2010: AARP

1980: Killer weed
2010: Weed killer

1980: Hoping for a BMW
2010: Hoping for a BM

1980: The Grateful Dead
2010: Dr. Kevorkian

1980: Getting out to a new, hip joint
2010: Getting a new hip joint

1980: Rolling Stones
2010: Kidney stones

1980: Being called into the principal’s office
2010: Calling the principal’s office

1980: Peace sign
2010: Mercedes logo

1980: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2010: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

1980: Take acid
2010: Take antacid

1980: Passing the driver’s test
2010: Passing the vision test

1980: “Whatever”
2010: “Depends”

An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.

As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, “Hey old man, have you ever danced?”

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, “No, I never did dance, just never wanted to.”

A crowd gathered quickly and the gunslinger grinned and said, “Well you old fool, you’re gonna’ dance now,” and started shooting at the old man’s feet.

The old prospector in order to not get a toe blown off or his boots perforated was soon hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet and everybody was laughing uproariously.

When the last bullet had been fired the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers back. The loud, audible double clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds and he turned around very slowly… The quiet was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.. He found it hard to swallow. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man’s hands.

The old man said, “Son, did you ever kiss a mule’s ass?”

The boy bully swallowed hard and said, “No. But I’ve always wanted to.”

There are two lessons for us all here:
1. Don’t waste ammunition.
2. Don’t mess with old people.

Bill Gates is given credit for this but it actually came from a book called, “Dumbing Down Our Kids” by Charles Sykes.

Bill Gates gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

• Rule 1: Life is not fair – get used to it!
• Rule 2: The world won’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself.
• Rule 3: You will not make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won’t be a vice-president with a fancy car until you earn both.
• Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait ’till you get a boss.
• Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it “opportunity.”
• Rule 6: If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
• Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent’s generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
• Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they’ll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to anything in real life.
• Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you “find yourself.” Do that on your own time.
• Rule 10: Television is not real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
• Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.

She proudly says, “Go ahead, ask me. I know all of them.”

A friend says, “okay, what’s the capital of Wisconsin?”

The blonde replies, “Oh, that’s easy. ‘W.’”

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A high-school student came home from school seeming rather depressed.

“What’s the matter, son?” asked his mother.

The boy replies, “It’s my grades… They’re all wet.”

“What do you mean ‘all wet?’” his mother asks.

“I mean,” he explains, “below C-level.”

A psychology teacher had just finished a lecture on mental health.

After the lecture, he proceeded to give an oral quiz to the students.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, the teacher asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?”

A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, “A basketball coach?”