This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men; he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women; she loved to browse.

One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart:

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official sounding voice, “Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right way.”
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a “CAUTION – WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. November 10: While carelessly handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his “Madonna look” by using different sizes of funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled “PICK ME! PICK ME!”
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed “OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!”
     
    
    And last, but not least ..
     
    

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, “Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here!”

Regards,
Wal-Mart

A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third, everything had just been reduced by 50 percent.

Then her mobile phone rang.

It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition and in the Intensive Care Unit. The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she’d be there as soon as possible.

As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the boutiques. She decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital. She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful chocolate cake slice, compliments of the last shop. She was jubilant.

Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital. She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband’s condition.

The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, “You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn’t you? I hope you’re proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit!”

“It’s just as well you went ahead and finished,” she continued. “Because it will more than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require ’round-the-clock care!”

The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed.

The lady doctor then chuckled and said, “I’m just pulling your leg. He’s dead. Show me what you bought.”