A rabbit came into a shop and asked, “Got any carrots?”

The seller answered, “No!”

The next day the rabbit came again and asked, “Got any carrots?”

The seller replied “No!”

Next day the rabbit came and asked, “Got any carrots?”

The seller shouted, “No! And if you come again and ask for carrots, I’ll take nails and hammer you on the wall by your ears!”

Early next morning the rabbit came back and asked, “Got any nails?”

The seller answered, “No!”

Then the rabbit asked, “Got any carrots?”

Two robins were sitting in a tree.

“I’m really hungry,” said the first one.

“Me, too” said the second. “Let’s fly down and find some lunch.”

They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plowed ground full of worms.

They ate and ate and ate and ate until they could eat no more.

“I’m so full I don’t think I can fly back up to the tree,” said the first one.

“Me either. Let’s just lay here and bask in the warm sun,” said the second.

“O.K.” said the first.

They plopped down, basking in the sun.

No sooner than they had fallen asleep, a big fat tom cat snuck up and gobbled them up.

As he sat washing his face after his meal, he thought, “I love baskin’ robins.”

For anyone who follows the “Urban Myths” on the Internet, this capsule summary should be pretty clear…

Craig Shergold is a 10 year old boy who is dying of cancer.

Before he dies, he would like to set the world record for receiving the most Neiman-Marcus Cookie Recipes.

You can help Craig by sending an irate fax to LEXIS-NEXIS demanding that they remove all traces of your mother’s maiden name from their executive washroom wall.

They will respond by sending an e-mail labeled “Good Times” to the computer controlling Craig’s life
support equipment.

When Felippe Linz, the technician operating the computer opens this mail, his hard drive will be overwritten
with thousands of credit card invoices for $250.00, erasing the last bit of evidence that Hillary was seen on the grassy knoll when JFK was shot, thus allowing world domination by Bill Gates, and his tri-lateral commission cronies who are eating fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches in the black helicopters with Elvis and in no time at all, Nazi music will take over the ‘net.

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.

So, I took her to a gas station.

And that’s when the fight started….

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of beer for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that’s when the fight started…..

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. “I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.” I said.

He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”

“Nah, she can order for herself.”

And that’s when the fight started…..

A local law enforcement officer stops a car traveling faster than the posted speed limit.

Since he’s in a good mood that day he decides to give the poor fellow a break and just give him a warning instead of a ticket. He asks the man his name.

“Fred,” he replies.

“Fred what?” the officer asks.

“Just Fred,” the man responds. When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have a last name but he had lost it.

The officer thinks he has a nut case on his hands and plays along with him. “Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?”

The man replies, “It’s a long story so please stay with me.”

I was born Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor.

I went to college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so I was finally Fred Dingaling, MD.

After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling, MD., DDS.

Got bored doing dentistry and started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took my DDS. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my Dingaling so now I’m just Fred.”

The officer walked away laughing, in tears. He did not give poor Fred a speeding ticket.

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.

After a while, she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.

She moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.

When the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn’t help noticing she was pregnant.

She sat under an advertisement which read “Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins,” then she moved under one that read “Sloans Liniments remove swelling.”

I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which read, “William’s Stick Did The Trick.”

Then I could not control myself any longer when on the fourth move she sat under an advertisement which read, “Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.”

The case was dismissed.

One very windy day, a rabbi was on his way to temple. Suddenly, a strong gust of wind blew his streimel (fur hat) off his head. The rabbi ran after his hat but the wind was so strong it kept blowing his hat farther and farther away. He just couldn’t catch up with it.

A young gentile man, witnessing this event and being more fit than the rabbi, ran after the hat and caught it. The young gentile man handed the hat over to the rabbi. The rabbi was so pleased and grateful that he gave the man twenty dollars, put his hand on the man’s head and blessed him. The young man was very excited about both the tip and the blessing.

The young gentile decided to take his new found wealth to the racetrack. He bet the entire $20 on the first race that he could.

After the races, the young man returned home and recounted his very exciting day at the races to his father. “I arrived at the fifth race,” said the young man. “I looked at the racing program and saw a horse by the name of ‘Top Hat’ was running. The odds on this horse were 100 to 1. It was the longest shot in the field.”

After saving the rabbi’s hat, having received the rabbi’s blessing, gotten the $20, and seeing ‘Top Hat’ in the fifth race, I thought this was a message from God. So, I bet the entire 20 dollars on Top Hat. An amazing thing happened. The horse that was the longest shot and who did not have the slightest chance to even show, came, in first by 5 lengths.”

“You must have made a fortune,” said the father.

“Well yes,” the son replied. “Over $2000.”

“But wait, it gets better,” the son continued. “In the following race, I looked at the program. A horse by the name of ‘Stetson’ was running. The odds on the horse were 30 to 1.” Stetson being some kind of hat and again thinking of the rabbi’s blessing and his hat, I decided to bet all my winnings on this horse.”

“What happened?” asked the excited father.

“Stetson came in like a rocket. Now I had $60,000!”

“Are you telling me you brought home all this money?” asked his excited father.

“No,” said the son. “I lost it all on the next race. There was a horse in this race named ‘Chateau.’ So I decided to bet all the money on it because the horse was the heavy favorite and the name also means hat in French. But the horse broke down and came in last.”

“Hat in French is ‘Chapeau’ not ‘Chateau’ you moron,” said the father. “You lost all of the money because of your ignorance. Tell me, what horse won the race?”

“It was a long shot from Japan named ‘Yamaka.’” answered the son.