Number of the Beast

666 is the Number of the Beast

670 – Approximate number of the Beast

DCLXVI – Roman numeral of the Beast

666.0000000 – Number of the High Precision Beast

665.9999954 – Number of the Pentium Beast

0.666 – Number of the Millibeast

/666 – Beast Common Denominator

666 x \| -1 – Imaginary number of the Beast

1010011010 – Binary Number of the Beast

1-666 – Area code of the Beast

00666 – Zip code of the Beast

1-900-666-0666 – Live Beasts! One-on-one pacts! Call Now! Only $6.66/minute.

$665.95 – Retail price of the Beast

$699.25 – Price of the Beast plus 5% state sales tax

$769.95 – Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul

$606.66 – Wal-Mart price of the Beast

$566.66 – Costco/Price Club price of the Beast

Phillips 666 – Gasoline of the Beast

Route 666 – Way of the Beast

666 °F – Oven temperature for roast Beast

352.223C – Temperature of the Beast in Celsius

666k – Retirement plan of the Beast

666 mg – Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast

Lotus 6-6-6 – Spreadsheet of the Beast

Word 6.66 – Word Processor of the Beast

666i – BMW of the Beast

668 – Next-door neighbor of the Beast

- Number of the Blonde Beast, uh…what was the number again?

A rabbit came into a shop and asked, “Got any carrots?”

The seller answered, “No!”

The next day the rabbit came again and asked, “Got any carrots?”

The seller replied “No!”

Next day the rabbit came and asked, “Got any carrots?”

The seller shouted, “No! And if you come again and ask for carrots, I’ll take nails and hammer you on the wall by your ears!”

Early next morning the rabbit came back and asked, “Got any nails?”

The seller answered, “No!”

Then the rabbit asked, “Got any carrots?”

Two robins were sitting in a tree.

“I’m really hungry,” said the first one.

“Me, too” said the second. “Let’s fly down and find some lunch.”

They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plowed ground full of worms.

They ate and ate and ate and ate until they could eat no more.

“I’m so full I don’t think I can fly back up to the tree,” said the first one.

“Me either. Let’s just lay here and bask in the warm sun,” said the second.

“O.K.” said the first.

They plopped down, basking in the sun.

No sooner than they had fallen asleep, a big fat tom cat snuck up and gobbled them up.

As he sat washing his face after his meal, he thought, “I love baskin’ robins.”

For anyone who follows the “Urban Myths” on the Internet, this capsule summary should be pretty clear…

Craig Shergold is a 10 year old boy who is dying of cancer.

Before he dies, he would like to set the world record for receiving the most Neiman-Marcus Cookie Recipes.

You can help Craig by sending an irate fax to LEXIS-NEXIS demanding that they remove all traces of your mother’s maiden name from their executive washroom wall.

They will respond by sending an e-mail labeled “Good Times” to the computer controlling Craig’s life
support equipment.

When Felippe Linz, the technician operating the computer opens this mail, his hard drive will be overwritten
with thousands of credit card invoices for $250.00, erasing the last bit of evidence that Hillary was seen on the grassy knoll when JFK was shot, thus allowing world domination by Bill Gates, and his tri-lateral commission cronies who are eating fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches in the black helicopters with Elvis and in no time at all, Nazi music will take over the ‘net.

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.

So, I took her to a gas station.

And that’s when the fight started….

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of beer for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that’s when the fight started…..

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. “I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.” I said.

He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”

“Nah, she can order for herself.”

And that’s when the fight started…..

A local law enforcement officer stops a car traveling faster than the posted speed limit.

Since he’s in a good mood that day he decides to give the poor fellow a break and just give him a warning instead of a ticket. He asks the man his name.

“Fred,” he replies.

“Fred what?” the officer asks.

“Just Fred,” the man responds. When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have a last name but he had lost it.

The officer thinks he has a nut case on his hands and plays along with him. “Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?”

The man replies, “It’s a long story so please stay with me.”

I was born Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor.

I went to college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so I was finally Fred Dingaling, MD.

After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling, MD., DDS.

Got bored doing dentistry and started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took my DDS. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my Dingaling so now I’m just Fred.”

The officer walked away laughing, in tears. He did not give poor Fred a speeding ticket.

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.

After a while, she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.

She moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.

When the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn’t help noticing she was pregnant.

She sat under an advertisement which read “Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins,” then she moved under one that read “Sloans Liniments remove swelling.”

I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which read, “William’s Stick Did The Trick.”

Then I could not control myself any longer when on the fourth move she sat under an advertisement which read, “Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.”

The case was dismissed.