Here’s a great example of engineers over thinking a problem.

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity.

To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and billions of dollars to develop a pen that would work.

Their research produced a pen the effectively writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 Celsius.

The Russians used a pencil.

Good: You’re pregnant.
Bad: It’s triplets.
Ugly: Your husband had a vasectomy five years ago.

Good: Your husband is not talking to you.
Bad: He wants a divorce.
Ugly: He’s a lawyer.

Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: He’s involved with the woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several pornographic movies hidden there.
Ugly: You’re in them.

Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He’s a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.

Good: You give “the birds and the bees” talk to your 14-year-old daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.

Good: Your daughter got a new job.
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients.
Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do.

A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question:

“Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with a proof.”

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law or some variant. One student, however wrote the following:

First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since, there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.

So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.

Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

It was not revealed what grade the student got.

The world is a different place today. To illustrate this point, here are a few scenarios and how they would play out very differently when comparing 1957 to today.

Scenario 1:

Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck’s gun rack.

1957 – The Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.

2009 – School goes into lock down, The FBI is called, Jack is hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counsellors are called in for traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario 2:

Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.

1957 – A Crowd gathers. Mark wins the fight. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.

2009 – Police called and SWAT team arrives — they arrest both Johnny and Mark. They are both charged with assault and both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario 3:

Jeffrey will not be still in class and is disrupting other students.

1957 – Jeffrey is sent to the Principal’s office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

2009 – Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The school gets extra money from the state because Jeffrey has a disability. Jeffrey later successfully sues the school board, principal, and teacher. The suit is settled out of court for an undisclosed sum that is in excess of 6 figures.

Scenario 4:

Billy breaks a window in his neighbour’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1957 – Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.

2009 – Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Billy’s sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy’s mom has an affair with the psychologist.

Scenario 5:

Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.

1957 – Mark shares his aspirin with the Principal out on the smoking dock.

2009 – The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is then searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario 6:

Pedro fails high school English.

1957 – Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes on to college.

2009 – Pedro’s cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro’s English teacher. English is then banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario 7:

Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July and puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant bed.

1957 – Some Ants die.

2009 – The ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigate his parents — and all siblings are removed from their home and all computers are confiscated. Johnny’s dad is placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario 8:

Wally falls while running during recess and breaks his ankle. He is found crying by his teacher, Nancy. Nancy comforts him while waiting for the paramedics.

1957 – Wally gets a cast on his foot and returns to school the next day.

2009 – Nancy is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in State Prison. Wally undergoes five years of required phychotherapy.

You’ve heard the old saying “you can prove or disprove anything with statistics?” Well, here’s an example of how that works:

A survey was conducted asking about the sexual experiences of the participants. Here are the results:

10% of the women had sex within the first hour of their first date
20% of the men had sex in a non-traditional place
36% of the women favor nudity
45% of the women prefer dark men with blue eyes
46% of the women experienced anal sex
70% of the women prefer sex in the morning
80% of the men have never experienced homosexual relations
90% of the women would like to have sex in the forest
99% of the women have never experienced sex in the office

Conclusion: Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of having anal sex in the morning with a strange woman in the forest than to have sex in the office at the end of the day.

So, do not stay late in the office. Nothing good will ever come of it.

Are you bored with the same old two-party political system? Check out these actual political parties that exist or existed.

The Rhinoceros Party — Canada – 1960s-1990s

This Canadian Party existed with a very unusual platform. It included: repealing the law of gravity, paving the province of Manitoba to create the world’s largest parking lot, providing higher education by building taller schools, instituting English, French and illiteracy as Canada’s three official languages, making bubble gum the national currency, putting the national debt on credit, counting the Thousand Islands to make sure none were missing, and banning lousy Canadian winters.

Beer Lovers Party — Russia – 1994 – 1998

This post-Soviet assembly was founded in 1993 in the state of Belarus. Among its major goals was the push for the cleanness and quality of the national brew. Its logo was a cartoon of a drunken hedgehog. The party was liquidated in 1998.

Absolutely Absurd Party — Canada

This is another Canadian joke party which advocates the following: Lowering the voting age to 14 (Because, after all, when was the last time a 14-year-old started a war?), changing the rules in federal elections so that the candidate in last place becomes the elected official, raffling off Senate seats as a fundraising mechanism, and replacing the Department of Defense with a crack elite squad of Rock/Paper/Scissors commandos.

The Union of Conscientiously Work-Shy Elements — Danish – 1979

This party was an unusually successful frivolous political party founded by comedian Jacob Haugaard in Denmark in 1979. Haugaard eventually won a seat in the Danish Parliament by making the following campaign promises: Tail winds on all bicycle paths, better weather, better Christmas presents, more pieces of Renaissance furniture in Ikea, Nutella in Army field rations, more bread for ducks in the park, and free beer and sausages, funded by his state party funding, served to his voters in the public park in Aarhus after each election. (The last three were actually fulfilled during his term in office.)

Hungarian Double-Tailed Dog Party — Hungary – 2006

This is a joke political party that was founded in 2004. All of the candidates are named Istvan Nagy, two very common first and last names in Hungary. While not an officially registered party, it nevertheless made the following promises in the 2006 elections: Eternal life, world peace, one-day work weeks, two sunsets a day, smaller gravitation, free beer and low taxes.

The McGillicuddy Serious Party — New Zealand – 1984-1999

This is a joke party in New Zealand that promotes the following: Replacing the Royal New Zealand Armoured Corps with mounted knights, replacing money with chocolate fish as legal tender, using beer as a national defense strategy by leaving many bottles on all beaches so any invading army would abandon its attack and get drunk instead, restricting the vote to only those under 18 (with actual campaign ads run during children’s programming), votes for trees (as New Zealanders have a reputation as environmentalists), air bags for the New Zealand Stock Exchange (in case of a crash), good weather (but only if the voters behave), job creation by carpeting the nations highways, and the sending-out of intelligence agents around the world to wipe New Zealand off published maps so no one could invade the country.

The Donald Duck Party — Sweden – 1991 – 2002

This is a Swedish joke political party that received write-in votes before it even existed. Capitalizing on its popularity, one man, Bosse Person, registered it. He is its only member. In 1991, the party received 1,535 write in votes by promoting a platform which advocated free liquor and wider sidewalks.

The Happening Happy Hippy Party — England – 1997 – 2002

This was a spoof political party that was really more a Web site and “e-zine” that ran in the late ’90’s and early ’00’s. It promoted easing the burden on Britain’s National Health Service by making accidents illegal and improving Britain’s climate by towing the island 200 miles south.

The Marijuana Party — USA

This party actually exists and is a current US political party that runs candidates who – you guessed it – work tirelessly toward the legalization of marijuana!

The Youth International Party — USA – 1968

This party was a highly theatrical and anti-authoritarian political party that existed in the US in the 60’s. Its members were called “Yippies.” Better known for street theatre and politically themed pranks that mocked the status quo (such as running a pig as its candidate in the 1968 Election and throwing money out to the crowd at the New York Stock Exchange), this socialist countercultural organization was amusingly dubbed the “Groucho Marxists.”

…You just can’t make this stuff up.